BLUES

I feel sad today. It seems for me that when something makes me feel really, really sad, then I feel sad about a lot of things in my life.





Today, I learned that a dear family has lost a loved one, much too young. Again. This family is my second family. I grew up with them and lived with them at a time when I needed it. They were my adopted sisters, mother, and grandmother. Over the years we have gotten busy in our lives and haven't maintained as close of contact as we should have or as I would have liked to. But I think about them all the time. Facebook has proven to be a great way to talk to them whenever I want to, which has been fun. Their young cousin died today at the age of 29. He was on life support with ups and downs, and eventually...down. This family is grieving and mourning and all the while so faithful and strong, knowing it is Heavenly Father's plan.



My 2nd Mom had four kids: her oldest was a boy, and three girls to follow. Her husband left the family when the kids were young and she was left a single mother the rest of her life. Her son was my best friend. Her daughters were like my sisters. Especially the oldest. They were so fun. Crazy, rambunctious, fireballs. Never a dull moment. He was kind, respectful, introspective, funny. So funny. He told me all the time about a recurring dream that made him believe he wouldn't live to be 21. He was right. Two days after he turned 20, he was killed in a hit-and-run accident. I was up at Camp LoMia with his mom and three sisters, having a grand old time. Until the sheriff came.



They remained strong and faithful. The oldest sister had a best friend, who was also a friend of mine. A spunky gal who was a friend to everyone. She came off as a little shy, but she was so, so fun. She was at camp with us on that day. Not too many years later, while giving birth to her first baby, she died. My friend/sister took in this grieving husband and newborn baby and endured him going on dates much too soon. Strong and faithful all the while.



I had made plans to meet for lunch with these great women. They had to cancel and we didn't reschedule as of yet. The night I went through the temple for the first time, I came out of the dressing room and who is there? Of course, my 2nd mom and her mother, an equally amazing woman. I had been thinking about all of them so much and wanted to invite them, but in all my weirdness (which only I can understand), I didn't. Well, there she is anyway. She had come with her mother as they did every Thursday night, as it turns out. We embraced and I lost it. Like sobs and blubbers. I was so emotional and felt so embarassed by that. I invited her and her family to come to the sealing on Saturday. She did come and it meant so much to me.



And now they have lost this young man at such a young age. And yet, all the while, knowing that whatever happened it was the Lord's will and they would accept it. Strong and faithful.



It makes me sad for them. It makes me feel sad about all sorts of things. I'm sad that I'm not doing enough in any aspect of my life - particulary motherhood. I'm sad because I'm unsettled in this house, I'm missing park playdates with my friends and their cute kids. I'm sad that I'm losing patience too often. I'm sad that I'm not as strong and faithful.





But, tomorrow is a new day.........................