The day I have dreaded since Gage was born inevitably came today, August 11th, 2010. He is off to start a new and exciting adventure and I have mixed feelings. I'm excited for him - all the fun things, learning, the gain of independence are all good things for him and for that I am happy. But I miss him. He's only gone for three hours and I miss him. Is he prepared? Will he make friends? Will he be teased because of his glasses? Have we taught him enough to make good choices? I suppose it's partly because I know that his long school career has begun and there's no turning back. The freedom of doing what we want, when we want is gone. My little boy is growing up. It's a good thing......right? I've tried my darndest to hide these feelings from him, but he feels it too. He's too much of a deep thinker not to. He tells me that he loves school now (it was a little rough the first week). Today's conversation went like this:
Me: Gage, how was school today?
Gage: Oh, it was awesome! I love it! But can I not go tomorrow?
Me: I don't understand. You tell me all the time how much you love it, but then you say you don't want to go. Why?
Gage: I know it doesn't really make sense, Mom. It's hard to explain. I really do like school, but I like being at home more. I like playing with you and Bella and Paisley.
I hope he always prefers home over any other place. (Except maybe when he's 25...because that might be weird.) I was very social growing up and always had lots of friends that I loved to be with. I remember it caused some problems between me and my parents because they wanted me home. I could never understand it then, I thought I was just being normal and they were being odd. But now.....oh, how I understand it. And Gage is only 6!
This picture just makes me laugh. He's always overdoing his poses in pictures.
Walking from the car into his classroom, he was all smiles and really excited. Rob and I both got to take him and he thought that was really cool.
And then the excitement turned to this. He was scared and unsure. The teacher asked them to write their name on this picture and then color it. Gage can write his name and does so all the time. But he wrote it and it didn't even resemble letters. In all my anxiety I worried that the teacher may think he was really behind and told him to erase it and rewrite it. He did and it didn't look any better. He was nervous and I was NOT helping. Poor guy.
And then his face looked like this!! Just look at him! He was killing me!! But I should get the Academy Award because I put on my best face and even laughed (I mean, really, how silly) at the teacher's suggestion to us that we attend the "Boo Hoo Yahoo" where all the sad parents could meet and have questions answered about the goings-on of kindergarten. Secretly, I REALLY wanted to go to that sob-fest.
Before we left, I reminded him that he is our "Boy of Steel" and he faked his best smile. I held it together all the way out to that same sidewalk where Gage was so prematurely excited and then I lost it. Rob just laughed at me and put his arm around me. I had my own little private sob-fest all the way home.
Later that day, when Gage came home he showed me another picture he had colored. The teacher asked them to draw a picture and write a word (if they could) about how they were feeling. Gage wrote: "SAD". Ugh. But at least I could read it.
P.S. A couple of side notes that I forgot. In June, my friend asked Gage if he was getting excited to start school. He said, "Ummm, kinda. I'm worried that all the kids are going to think I'm bald." (He had just gotten his haircut really short for summer).
During the first week of school, he told me that he didn't like going because he felt like he was missing out on things at home. I told him that the only thing he was missing was chores. He said he didn't believe me and that he just knows that I take the girls to Dairy Queen while he's at school. Ha!!