LAUGH OUT LOUD.....

My little monster, as I affectionately call her, has some real doozies as of late. She is my precocious 3-year-old. More on why she's a monster later...

Me: Monster, you haven't even touched your dinner!
Monster: Ok, mama (immediately putting her hands on her food and looking at me as if to say, "Alright, I touched it!")

Monster to Carpet Guy: My mom has bras, but we don't. Do you have a bra?
Carpet Guy: Well, maybe I should. (Ha!)

Monster: I like fish in my hand, but not in my mouth. (I couldn't agree more, by the way.)

Me: What should we do tomorrow, Monster?
Monster: Re-decorate the house.


G had a little crush on a girl in his class, Madison K. One day he was so excited when I picked him up.

"Mom, mom!! I have something so awesome to tell you!!" He told me that Madison L. had told him that both she and Madison K. had crushes on him. I said that was really nice and it's because he is so kind and a good friend. He was beaming and then asked, "Mom, what does crush mean?".

About a week later I was helping out in G's class and I complimented Madison K. on her picture she was coloring. She said, "Thanks! G tells me I am the queen of colors because I'm so good at coloring." What a flirt!!

They were celebrating G's un-birthday at school, since he has a summer birthday, and I brought in donuts for the class. His teacher relayed a funny story from the morning.

Apparently, they were making ladybugs, and each child could name their ladybug. When she asked G he said,

"I want to name my ladybug 'whore'".

His teacher asked him to repeat it, because surely she didn't hear it right.
But he repeated, "whore".

She thought it was so funny because she knew, of course, that he had no idea what that word really means.

So, I did some discreet investigating to find out where it came from. He said, "Mom, my ladybug had fangs and was scary, so I named him "Horror" like a scary movie.

When he says it, it sounds like the other word. I still don't know how he knows about horror movies, because he's never seen one. But hilarious, nonetheless.


B: "We're gonna just cook up this dog and eat it!"
G: "No we're not. We don't live in China."


B recently came up to me and said, "Mom, I have to tell you something very important. Remember that time a long time ago when Monster cut my hair? (This was about a year ago). Well, I told you it was Monster who cut my hair, but really it was me. I lied and I'm so sorry."
The funniest part is that Monster admitted to cutting it when she didn't. I suppose she's just used to always doing the bad stuff.


B: "Mom, does Ursula on Little Mermaid wipe her bum when she goes to the bathroom?"
B: (answers her own question), "She probably doesn't because she's mean and bad."

B: "Mom, let's play Papercut, Scissors." (instead of paper, rock, scissors)